Walk As Lions

Today we should receive the initial amnio results which will tell us the direction we are headed on this journey.  The waiting is killer.

It’s a beautiful day outside and I should take the kids outside to play but I just want to curl up into a little ball on the floor.  I’ve already yelled and scolded them more this morning than they’ve ever deserved. It took everything within me to continue sitting on the bathroom floor, smiling and encouraging my two little guys who were both sitting on their potty chairs, when I heard my phone ringing downstairs where I had accidentally left it. I lost patience with my husband simply because he called and the sound of the phone caused my heart to skip. I almost threw up thinking maybe it was THE call from the doctor.

I’ve put all my angst into today’s waiting when in reality, regardless of what the amnio results say, I still have 4.5 months of waiting left. Then the waiting will start over again. The question is, will it be waiting for minutes and hours or waiting for weeks and years?

The phone call that I missed, it was a dear friend of mine who I hadn’t shared the news with yet.  I called her back and in between deep breaths and tears managed to tell her what is going on.  Her first response to me “God can grow his heart. God can heal this.”

Yes, He can. So perhaps I should stop waiting on my journey and start waiting for my miracle.

*********UPDATE**********

At 4:30pm the dreaded anticipated phone call came. Amniocentesis results are negative. This means Jonathan is eligible for open heart surgery to give him a chance at life.

I cried, and I honestly don’t know if it’s because I’m relieved or scared.